I really can't believe it that it's been almost 3 years since I last wrote on this blog. So many things have happened and suffice to say that it ain't all good!!! I wished I had jotted down the many things that have happened so that I will remember them all. The mind is a complex thing and as you aged it's not as sharp as you'd like it to be... I will try and capture as many 'momentous' moments for me in the past 3 years to share with you guys. First let me start in the year 2007.
My sister got married in 2007 and I quit my job in 2007 - although the 2 is not related. I left my dead end job in Aug 2007 and that was one of the best decisions that I made in my life. To top it all I didnt even have another job lined up. It was kinda scary at first not having that security net tightly fastened in case I fall, but the liberating feeling of being able to get away from something you so secretly despised outweighs all the insecurities, fear and everything else in between. I can vividly remember the satisfaction I felt having handed in my resignation as if it had just happenend yesterday.
So what did I do after I quit my job? I went for a 3 week holiday!!!! Some people might think it was a crazy thing to do but it was what I needed to do. I needed to get away from a job that I didnt like and I felt that it was pulling me down like a dead weight! Sometimes in life we just have to go with our instincts - that gut feeling! It may sounded a bit cliche but it normally pays off. I just felt that if your heart and soul is no longer in it (be it work, love, etc) then everything else that comes along is just a drag... Life shouldn't be that way!!! As someone really clever once said "we only get one shot in this life, so make the full of it". This isn't a dress rehearsal - this IS IT!!! You don't get another try if you screw it all up...
2 full months later after I came back from my very much needed holiday that I finally found myself a job. You might be asking why that long? It wasn't out of choice but I wanted something or rather a place that could offer me some kind of satisfaction. I held out until I find the almost perfect place for me... And I'm glad I did. I'm still happily working at this place 2 years on... I know it's still early days but for now I'm happy... And that is all that matters. As for my sister she's still happily married and they have 2 lovely children - a boy and a girl. Bless!
2008 - Nothing much happened in the first half of the year. Everyone and everything was going about their business as usual. Then out of the blue something went majorly wrong! My dad fell ill - he had CANCER. Now how do someone deal with this kind of news? A million different things went through your head and a million different questions you wanted to ask. And I am just talking about me, I couldn't even begin to fathom what my father was going through and how he must have felt having been dropped the news! It was like being given a death sentence and your life is like a time bomb that was about to explode. The only problem was you didn't have a friggin' clue of when it was going to happen! What do you do under these circumstances? Do you make full use of the time you have left playing catch up to all the things you wished you had done but didnt do? Or do you just wait out until the time finally comes? Do you put up a fight and pray that you will come out the winner or do you just give up and let death comes knocking on your door? To this day I still didn't know the answer. With hindsight, there are certain things I wished we hadn't done and there are things that I wish I could do more. The doctor gave him at best 12 months to live. So here begins our roller coaster journey with our new 'friend' Mr. Cancer in tow.
After his first chemotherapy he lost almost all of his hair and his vigour. Gone is the father who loves having people around him and instead emerge someone who loves spending time in solitude and in his own company. More often than not staring into the dullness of the marble flooring contemplating his fate and ill fortune maybe? Who knows...
It broke my heart. It really did. The rest of 2008 went by in a blur with my father in and out of hospital getting treatments. If 2008 was bad, the worse was yet to come in 2009... So much much for out with old and in with the new!!!
2009 - The new year started on a positive note with my 3rd sister getting hitched in January. Shame I couldn't be there but it was a wonderful day for the both of them. Another addition to the family. Cancer was forgotten for one day! Feb, Mar and April came and went. May - my youngest sister got engaged. Another new addition to the family. Another happy day for my sick father. June came and I made my first ever trip to the US of A. I was in NYC and loved every minute of it. July -after a 10 mth break from chemo, my father has to undergo another round of treatment. Cancer is getting more aggressive. The problem with chemo is you never know what you're getting. It's a bit like the russian roulette, you pull the trigger and you could either end up with your brains all over the wall or you're spared. In my father's case, it was the former. Chemo failed and cancer won. Ended up with so many complications and very very ill. Fast forward a couple of months and dad was getting even worse. He fought tirelessly against the disease. I could see his struggle of wanting to live and yet very much aware he was losing this battle. The sliver of hope that we were dearly hanging on to is quickly evaporating with the morning dew.
Here is a man or whatever that is left of him who is very much loved and needed by his wife and children and grandchildren is slowly dying in front of our very eyes. Never once he complained or question his faith as to why God has bestowed upon him such excruciating pain and suffering. I felt humbled and honoured and lucky that I had been given a chance to spend the last few months of my father's life going through the thick and thins together. He finally lost his battle in November and everyday I still miss him.
Amidst all the pain and sufferings that my father was enduring, my 2nd sister gave birth to a little baby girl on the 27th Oct. Something joyous and a great distraction from the issue at hand. My youngest sister also got married in November - 3 days after my father's passing. What was suppose to be a joyous occassion was celebrated with much sadness and stoicism.
In conclusion 2009 was a hell of a year!!! There were too many lows and not enough highs. So roll on 2010 and may the new year brings in new hope, bigger dreams and even better reality!!!
To my father, wherever you are - you will always be in my heart and I love you always. RIP.
